crematorium of dreams....

 Lying in the sweltering heat, looking up at my ceiling, watching the ineffective fan make its rounds, hearing the buzz of mosquitoes in my ear from time to time.... Reminding me to stay awake... And everytime I bring my fingers close to my arm or leg feeling a squishy lazy enterprising mosquito getting crushed under the pulp of my finger gives an indescribable satisfaction. Staying awake all night makes me cranky, staying awake bcoz of these pesky little lives out to suck my blood quite literally is not a great feeling, it leaves me feeling irritable all day.....
Damn these power cuts! Everytime I make up my mind to study I end up having no power and the momentum which never was is lost.....
I know... At this rate ill b in d midst of the crematorium of my dreams....

memories of a time long gone by....

 Know now, know forever there never was anyone who loved u more.... No-one who will... Not as much as I do.... Even after all the burnt castles, all the water that has run under the broken bridge, even after all the bitter pills swallowed... After everything.... I still can remember only the way your eyes closed when my fingers traced your cheek.... I was travelling by the train a this morning.... Looked out at all the stations and I remembered one where I used to wait for u.... With you after your classes....
The memories will be the death of me... I remember the way you would fix your hair.... Carefully.... Tuck in your shirt.... Adjust the folds over thefront of your belly.... The way you would fold up your sleeves.... Just exactly thrice over and wear your watch.... Only to run your fingers through your hair again..... I remember the first time I made u wear a perfume.... The beaming smile when u told me ppl were so positive abt the fragrance....the way everytime I gave u something your eyes would light up.... I remember... I remember the time where u pointed the stars out to me.... I remember the way u looked at me when I gave u money without asking when the ppl who u looked to didn't.... Remember the pride which went down when u thanked me for it..... I remember every birthday..... I remmber the shoulders.... I remember the chicken legs.... I remember the flinging of the ring... I remember the tears.... I remember the hurt.... But more so I remember everything happy that u gave me.... I will never love as much as I did.... As much as I do....
Y is it that I can remember only the good things? Prolly coz I don't want to soil your memories in my heart with bitterness...

You are right no man will I ever be able to love again.... U have spoilt me for tht.... Coz it has always been only u....

It doesn't matter that There wil b no kids.... It doesn't matter that there will be no trusting a man with my heart again.... It doesn't matter that there is no love.... There's no u anyway.....
I miss u....I miss the friend I had.... Forever urs.... In more ways than u wud care to know.....