eyes

The dreams are in ones eyes,
the tears have been held back by the lashes of our eyes...
what is not realised too soon is...
that both the tears and the dreams are held by the same pair of eyes....
its just so easy to fool onesself and pull wool over our eyes or look away.

peekaay!

iss movie ko koi peekay likha hoga, aur ak ney peekay hi sign kiya hoga. unbelievable load of crap. i am not sure if AK has started taking a dump the other way around and if his grey cells still exist after the autistic role in Dhoom3 i wonder if it has started getting difficult for him to slip out of a character soon so he decideds to go with whichever script that goes with the frame of mind he was in and is finding it difficult to get out of.
he needs to get his brain to work. i never did think of him as a brilliant actor. but i did think he   was a sensible one.
and this one definitely lacks the sense.
i dont understand the hype created. neither do i get how it has crossed the 100cr mark.

graduation to middle age

my week started monday morning with a fall and examining the tar content on the indian roads.... followed by a 60 plus male (alleged) making a pass at me. just coz the people above thought i hadnt learnt my lesson bcoz there wasnt a single external injury took a fall again while doing mundane work at home..... shoulder black and blue. wrist swollen. pain enough to make me frustrated at being made to wait to take a stoopid xray. while i wait being asked if i was 'carryin' which annoyed me even more coz i know i have put on weight and my girth has hit way overboard never seen before mark but it does suck being asked. that went on all day with ppl asking me whats happening with me. and the alleged gent saying oh u dont have kids i know y u young girls now a days want only to have fun. lucky man. if this is not harrassment i dont know what is. then i get to meet my frd whose day i totally and without doubt ruinednitpicking his not so big mistakes all evening..... i donno how ppl put up with ne! i havent seen anyone more negative than me. no wonder the ex couldnt stand the sight of me or me telling him itd b nice if he did such and such. intolerable.
i have officially graduated to become to typical indian middle aged spinstress. absolutely annoyingly being a miss.you are wrong i am right always.

60 and going!

if i must say.... im a whisker short of reaching 30.... what i dont get off late are compliments.... they come few and far inbetween...  lemme tell u...
i walked down the corridors tht im expected to lurk for 36 months... of which i have 14 more to go officially... when a really senior one walked by... by senior its tbe ahe first and then the experience. he reminds me of this hilarious character played by kh in one of his disastrous movies dasavatharam..... so i become the sunshine tht i used to b, what i am turning to be again. smiled and said morning sir!i get called in and asked... is it a sad morning bad morning or wat morning.... i could think it was a dirty morning! and i being me smiled said sorry... and i hear the 60 gent say dont try enticing me with ur smile! me? entice?!!!  wish it had come from someone else tht i know... damn....
second part of the and going was when he calls me all dirty when i had just taken a fall on d road.... prolly providences way of making me research the roads contents.... and being told when i put my hair up after the tumble that i was beddable!!! sigh again there i was trying topicture another telling me tht.... but yup i hear all i wanna hear from a 60 year old grumpy grandpa while id rather have it from a little not so old grumpy old man... grin.... now thts a tot.... :)

now off to meet my grumpy oldan.... 5ehee

something blue

something old... something new.... sigh.... but why... something borroeed.... something blue.... not sure where the blue comes in though....

strength to you.

its nice to see yourself as a victim. but its even better when u see others in the space u were in a few years back and be in a situation where u can help them out. be the empowerer rather than the empowered.
it feels good to be able to see things so clearly. now that you know the regular patterns.
The sinister beauty of nature.
the amazing riddle of the mind.
the lovely allure of the words.
the warp that the heart gets trapped in.
the akshaya paatram that you become.
yes!
i realise that i wasnt the only one to go through this. a friend once said. i am not the first to go through this, neither will i be the last to go through. but, i can always be the first to strat reaching out to people who have the same patterns that recur without them knowing.

the last three weeks. its the same story. the same patterns. the same denials. the same excuses. some strong to look at things and call it a day and work their way through. those women. wow. there are others who i guess wont recognise a diaster even if dances naked in front of them. the phase of denial.i wish them sense.

either ways. i wish them well.
strength be to you.
i have learnt.
i thought i was done.
now i learn.
still.
same situation.
different ways in or out.
either way i am in a better space to be able to help anyone out. i just wish they reach out to their loved ones.

all thoughts to every single one in a tough place.

Its 5!

And i wake up. Groggy. To a chilly morning. Sounds of the temple bells and the imams call for prayers.peaceful. stars still twinkling in the sky... like shattered pieces of the moon...
The routine set for the wake up. Now for sitting with the book open in front of me.

13 months run up.
Jeez at times feels like long... but now feels like tomorrow...

Yaadein

Jo manzil dekte... dikaayi nahi de raha...
Jo man ki baatein sunaa hi nahi de raha...
Mushkil hey jo raaste samaj me nahi raha ..
Chalte chalte... ab yaad hi nahi raha.

Meera

Kisi ko le jaana tha... koi nahi aaya....
Bahaar dekte... intezhaar karte woh bhi baitti thi... raste ko dekte....
Shaam aayi... diya jalle... har ghar ke darwaaze band kar diye.... who thabi bhi baittii thi.... log dekte gayye.... theen din ke bad wo baiti rahi... nazar kabhi hatti nahi raaste se.... hategi bhi nahi... jan gayi... par jaate waqt bhi dekte rahi.... intezaar karte rahi.... woh meera joh uski kishan ke intezar karte rahi.

Majboori

Dhadaktey dil ko koi na puchta kyon
Dekthey aankon ko koi nahi poochta kyon
Jo hum dekthe hai usko yaad rakkey hummare man hi poochta hai kyon.
Hai yeh kya majboori hai bhoolney ki.

Aasuo ki baatein

All dressed. To make a mark. To look as dignified a woman can be in the midst of all the turmoil. Stars sparkling in my ears and fingers. Subtle but there. Stood with my eyes lowered. Thinking abt ways to celebrate the death. Slowly realisig tht there wasnt anything to celebrate. Lowering my eyes again as the scene being played out of the man being the victim was so tiring and i was mentally exhausted to justify and show my side of the story. It didnt matter now. It wont from now either. Thank the lord above for getting me through thisbin one piece.
All i was thinking was the stars last nyt. They looked like the mook was crumbled andcscattered across the dark skies for us to find the diamond tht wud guide our hearts.

Ey dil maan jaa. Ey dimaaag sudhaar jaa. Ey kushi vaapas aa.... ey aasu vahhin pe rok ja.... tere sitaro ko dikaana kusi aur ke liye jo samajtha hai... jo jab tumhe hassi se bahar leke aata hai..... ey dil.....

The universe

Big

I think bog. Nope nothing big happens **pessimistic**

Screwed

12 hoirs left. 1200 pages to go. Screwed.

The other ex

Exams!
24 hrs to go. Sleepy. Covered about 30% of pprtions. Fighting to stay awake. Two coffees done. Mosquitoes annoyong the hell outta me. Mind wishing to read a nice novel. Sigh. One more of this nazi treatment. Lets roll.

Truth of life....

Never at the beginning... never at the end... somewhere inbetween.... now to see where....

Surely!

Ways to avoid eve teasing. What a joke!