I swear by Apollo the physician, and Aesculapius the surgeon, likewise Hygeia and Panacea, and call all the gods and goddesses to witness, that I will observe and keep this underwritten oath, to the utmost of my power and judgment.

I will reverence my master who taught me the art. Equally with my parents, will I allow him things necessary for his support, and will consider his sons as brothers. I will teach them my art without reward or agreement; and I will impart all my acquirement, instructions, and whatever I know, to my master's children, as to my own; and likewise to all my pupils, who shall bind and tie themselves by a professional oath, but to none else.

With regard to healing the sick, I will devise and order for them the best diet, according to my judgment and means; and I will take care that they suffer no hurt or damage.

Nor shall any man's entreaty prevail upon me to administer poison to anyone; neither will I counsel any man to do so. Moreover, I will give no sort of medicine to any pregnant woman, with a view to destroy the child.

Further, I will comport myself and use my knowledge in a godly manner.

I will not cut for the stone, but will commit that affair entirely to the surgeons.

Whatsoever house I may enter, my visit shall be for the convenience and advantage of the patient; and I will willingly refrain from doing any injury or wrong from falsehood, and (in an especial manner) from acts of an amorous nature, whatever may be the rank of those who it may be my duty to cure, whether mistress or servant, bond or free.

Whatever, in the course of my practice, I may see or hear (even when not invited), whatever I may happen to obtain knowledge of, if it be not proper to repeat it, I will keep sacred and secret within my own breast.

If I faithfully observe this oath, may I thrive and prosper in my fortune and profession, and live in the estimation of posterity; or on breach thereof, may the reverse be my fate!

Today makes it three weeks that i cant turn my neck with out pain. It was pretty bad. Bad enough that i used to lift my head off the pillow first manually so i steady it without jerks to my neck. Now though, i am able to get to my feet without help. Sharp pain in mornings which dulls out through the day and returns when i lie down.
All through i feel so stressed.
I just started studying, like actually sit read study and write kind of studying.
Now this.
My kutty is turning 25 in a few days.
My lil one is turning 3... or is it four???
Sigh
The days are just running by and ive lost track of what day it is....
I have temporarily stopped cutting off the dates on my calenday daily....
I am in that space...
The space where everything just blurs....

Mad

I think madness just runs in... this college?
This dept?
This city?
This state?
I dont really know....
But i do know this.
If i dont get out soon I will go stark mad. This i know.
For sure.

Last sunset

I was walking down the road... heading to this small road corner tea shop that i normally go to for my daily newspaper. I try putting up with the boring The Hindu only for the fact that it gets the exam notifications the first. Though i have to put up with all the sentence errors and the data errors. It is in a way amusing to read their corrections column. It takes up a fourth of a page. A national newspaper. With one fourth of a page just for corrections.
Anyway, i divert.
So. I was walking to that tiny shop. The guy who handed me the paper wasnt there. Another guy who normally makes the veg crispies handed me my days copy with a knowing smile and a once over.
I thought it was because he had no interaction with me.
So as i headed to my clinic the next day i made my pit stop for the paper and my regular guy was back. But, what was also back was the knowing look and a leer.
It happened again. And again. And the next day. The day after that.
It makes me feel violated.
But hey Its India right?!! Even rapists have right to life so what can i say about this?
I need to recalibrate my head to not give off warning signals everytime i get a lewd look. Because apparently looking is not a crime. It doesnt matter how you look or where you do.

I dont ask you to respect me for being a doctor. A single woman. A human being.
But for god sakes!
Dont ruin my day by giving me that look!
I could change my newspaper point.
I think thats what i will do.
Yes.
I will keep avoiding shops manned by men.
Until India gets safer.
Until Indian men grow up.
Until i recline in my chair and watch my last sunset i guess.

Even a man who is happy.
Will glimpse a shadow.
the sound of fine hair touches him.
He must recognise the shadows.
May be he Will remember blurry outlines from a place far away.
Out of reach.

In a way that the print of each that he recognises is still there.... in his heart which brims with joy at every memory

Memories that all but wait to be teased to the surface.

My old lil girl

My lil one turns a year older soon. Coz i dont really know her birth day... thought ill just celebrate her birth week....
And since im not sure of that either....
Yipeee its her birth month in a few days....
:)
Until then....
My rattie faced lil one

Love affair

So here i am. In front of my book. Browsing on the internet for something interesting to read. Ending up reading the daily news. But the clocks ticking. Sigh. Me. My love affair with my books need to continue. Only this time the books have annoying stuff in them thts so not interesting.

Foggy

Time is running fast.
I take a pause.
Look behind,  i see days months years gone by
I look ahead.... squint to see the days ahead...
The fog is blocking my vision.
The uncertainty forming a dense curtain over my senses
Slowly i begin seeing a golden trophy...
Shining in the distance...
I trudge along the lines drawn and keep my eyes fixed on the road for focus....
As my journey begins...

Funny thing fate

Last year i blew up. Like literally.
Questioned the ladys authority and judgement and had to apologise to appease....
Funny thing is... the lady...? Shes the queen now.
Funny thing fate....
Pointing his finger at me and laughing his head off....
I get it.
R.i.p the next 8 months of peace.

Falling in love

The thing about love is.... its over rated.... why do tge call it falling in love.... why not flying in love... floating in love.... lying in love....
Why fall?

Because some brilliant person realised.... in love you take a fall.
A fall so deep and scary that it equates to falling into your own grave....
When u fall u fall face down so digging through and crawling out is absolutely ruled out... if u dig... u just tend to get buried deeper.
Falling in love.
**guffawing**

The end.

A chapter ended.
Shunned and avoided as i sat among the herd of wronged.
A few were amongst us that cried foul.
Most just wanting to get away.
Most just wanting to move on.
A few with tears... of sadness.
Of times goneby.
Of loneliness that has engulfed them noone speaks.
No one hears any cry of the soul.
As the papers are shuffled.
As the files are thrown.
Discarded.
To rot among the many others before and to welcome as breathen many others who will enter this foul place.
The stench of death.
The smell of sweat.
The release of clutches that held for too long.
The pale skin.
The dazed eyes.

A word i need he said. I cringed and refused.
A laugh followed as i was told it was addressed to another.
Relief flooded me as i was released from my personal hell.

As i walked out of that dingy room.
That room i wouldnot wish anyone to enter.
I smelt the mud on the path.
Felt the sun sting my skin.
As i walked to paradise...
I heard every sound.
Every word.
Saw every color.
I soaked in....
As i drank the sweet nectar my taste buds came alive....
And my lips danced with joy...as my eyes weeped along with my soul.
One last time.
Never again.

Dislike. Detest.

Annoying as people are we are a a herd folk... we always look to others for acceptance... to society to tell us whats right whats wrong... to all thats written to imbibe into ourselves to fit into the strait jacket that is forced upon us with a smile.
Why is that?
Why cant we just follow cuba....
Cuba...
Cradle to grave.
With colors.
With vibrance.

Tequila.

I have an ego.
But so does every one else do they not....
When experiences with a certain someone sours the taste of trust... the taste needs to be altered with a shot of tequila lime... and a pinch o salt... ;)

Everywhere you go... that pinch of salt always adds flavor to any palette...

So long as i dont give up on salt on my food i will be ok... as long as the salt comes with a shot... :D

Izna.... the light.... what a beautiful name.....