I have lost a lot of friends...
What is the meaning of lost friends...
Whats the point of life...
Everything is just superficial...
Why do we exist...
The trees? Why are they there... just growing and standing... what do they do... wouldnt they be tired....
Dont we get tired of it all...
The monotony of life...
Just existing....
Make a difference?
How?
What really makes a difference?
Oh that person really made a difference in peoples lives...
But isnt life itself superficial...
Making a difference in how a person lives is just a passing thought...
Howmany people think who made what difference in their lives...
Do we thank the guy who discovered electricity... cell phones... computers.... the nameless faceless nomad who found how to light fire...

What if we had none of this wouldnt we still live? Wouldnt we still exist?

What does making a difference really mean?
To educate people? To save the girl child?
For what?
End of the day
People will still live...
Human race will still survive...
We are all just ants working hard to build the nest only to never live in the nest...

Work hard. Study hard. Get a good job. Procreate. Make the offspring know their manners. Teach. Put them into the same cycle as you are in...
Whats the point of the cycle.
But then again... whats the point of life....

A couple of days back... i was weaving in and out of the land of all things possible on a disturbed night of sleep...  I had these vivid dreams...  Conscious projections of the subconscious mind as they say....  The warmth it left was like a comfortable quilt...  it enveloped me in a hug....  If out of a million dreams one turns true....  i would be content if this did come to fruit...

law of attraction

Theres something i read...
the law of attraction..
sounds interesting?
Whats being theorised is that the fears we have is what is attracted to us..
not so intresting now is it?
:)
If we think good thoughts consciously and subconsciously... then its the good that gets transmitted
visualise a radio. Our brain as the radio.
It transmits the good and the universe directs good to us and the brain the radio. Our radio. Recieves the good and translates it into all good in our daily lives.
Now what happens when we think yes i want X and that the X will be good for me but subconsciously we think oh if i dont get X then itll ruin my life..
then our radio transmits i dont want too ruin my life and the universe picks up ruin from ourfrequency and directs ruin to our channel...
Crazy right?
So they say that a vision board helps.
They gave an example of the guy... eternal sunshine of the spotless mind guy... i forget his name...
on how as an actor he initially failed and was so disappointed that he created a vision board for himself unknowingly...
he wrote himself a cheque that said to the guys name that i forget for acting services rendered and cut it out for ten million dollars...
the guys with the law of attraction theory claim it was his vision board... one that he carried in his wallet with him...

Think itll work?
Im not so sure...
what i do believe is...
 in the power of the mind...
i do believe the universe has a pattern...
but would or could that be because of our brains  being a radio transmitting our thoughts...
of that i am not sure...

Life has its mysteries.
and
I am no sherlock holmes.

Small eyes...
black....
a nose shaped like a capsicum....
Bronzed golden skin...
a heart... indescribable...
the mind a mystery...

let me tell you...

The thing about expectations let me tell you....
the thing about expectations is,
that it will make you bitter
is that you may be left with clear blue skies...
the bubble around your world cracks...
the salted air remains unsmelt...
the tears in your eyes remain unshed...

A time that was where i was listening to times long gone and their little things that was romantic.. all the sneaky glances... all the tiny roses... the light pecks... the soft whiteness...
And then ofcourse a lot changed.
The shell growns harder as the turtle ages....

The head stays out most of the time slow to react irrespective of the dangers posed....
I wonder ...
two weeks later... now...
if i will have any time that i can paint with silliness...
if i will think of all the whimsies..  if there are any at all...
i search to find.. .there isnt a single in my mind that is so...

Maybe i am not worth all the crazies...

de-mone

As i waited in the long queue that wound all the way till the turn of the street... i watched a little girl... chasing everyone laughing happily asking them to play with her.. tugging at their hems.. a beautiful little girl... As dark as a moonless night... with a flash of white on the seat of her back.. like a full moon when she strolls up and down happily... a little dash of white at her paws like stars that accompany a full unblemished moon...  Playful...  so full of innocence....  not realising that one day the same people who smile indulgently at her would watch with satisfaction when shes dragged by a thin wire rope around her neck until her screams die...  until in pain she gives up...  stops crying out for help... Watching her reminded me of my little one when i met her the first time...  This one though came to me silently and asked me to be her friend in her lonely world... I was waiting in the line... estimated it to take me an hour  to see those crispy pink gandhi in my hand obliged... a little unwillingly at first... i didnt want to earn the scorn of my little one back home... but she drew me into her tug of war with a piece of rope...  Looked at me with those amazing pools of jet black... an expression of determination set in to try and wrest that tiny piece of rope away from me...  everytime she won she tumbled back with the force of her own pull....  dazed and in wonder she came back and asked for more...  partly to figure out if i was pushing her in any way...  The line grew shorter...  her interest soon faded...  when it was my turn i looked around to check where she had gone to.... she was onto her next adventure trotting away happily.... the girl who played tug with her for an hour long forgotten.... Soon it was my time to walk the other way.... I hope de-mone turns out well...  un touched by the wariness that sets in with her life on the dark street corners and the deserted alleys....   p.s: yes i named her. De-mone. After the demonetisation drive which was the only reason i had met this girl who i wudnt have met otherwise...