And here i think we meet again.
Fate has it not
Who art thou to plan when the two lines shall meet
I hear a laugh
One that mocks
Time it is said to be a sarcastic player
The colors that shine has to be mine says the one thats impossible.
The long hand of the clock strikes twelve and another hour goes by.
Wait i do.
Until the tracks call the name of the destined one
Off you go says time fate and hope.
Funny thing time is.

Women and mens chest

A friend i told to button up and he said i know why... Coz women look at a mans chest but i cant figure out why though...
Thats when i realised what us women do unconsciously...
We stare at a mans chest just as the men stare at ours.
That little peak of curls from the wedge opening of the shirt just beneath the chin makes women think of warm hugs...
God knows even if the mans not a warm person to talk to but has a chest full of hair the eyes are drawn and the hearts warmed...
Blame it on natural instinct to look for warmth...
The lines are fuzzy...
And funny...

We should really be able to dissect our thoughts to find out the why f everything we do....

And they made an offer.
Im sure of what i want. Im pretty sure of what i need.
I also know what the implications of the offer is.
I am just not sure on how to verbalise to them that i wont take up on their offer. Their offer to change my daily routine from essential to luxury. From minimal to better. Their offer for me to afford a lot of other pluses. The lure of a vacation. The temptation of good restraunts. The beautiful sounds of live theater and music.
The tendrils of doubt have begun to creep up.
But i know what I am going to do.

I will give all this up for a little peace and a lot of stability even if it means my mattress is put on the floor instead of a teakwood beauty of a bed.
As long as my little one is around I can take all the punches even from a mud house.
Thats the power of unconditional love.

Colors of the morning.

Sitting in the train. Listening to the rhythmic sounds soothes.
But now im sitting in the train. Alone. The compartments empty.
Random thoughts in my head.
Feeling blue.

What do you do when everyday feels like a mountain to climb. Add landmines to it.
The last one week has been like that. Not like that. Exactly that.
And ive been doing what bears do. Sleep away the times that you feel too cold.
My day has been out in the world and just head back home immediately after and crash.
The idea hasnt been to sleep through the evening and night. But to sleep for an hour. What do you call that a nap?
To nap an hour and take my little one go for a long walk maybe if my squeaky bones allow it for a half hearted run and make dinner after, crash after the 'long' day.
Day doesnt go like planned. There isnt anything in life that goes as planned obviously... Im applying the wider philosophy to even the little things in my life like pushing myself out of the bed.
Isleep.
I sleep through the sunset, the moon rise, the breeze of the lunar time, the smell of the jasmine blooms... I sleep. Awake once the sun is on his way across the skies once again, race against the clock. Late always to work. At first it was coz i was getting used to the new routine, now its because i am tired of the new routine.
At work smile my way through. Talk to people which is against my innate self. I want to be left alone. But that wouldnt happen ever when you need to put bread on the table does it. Inter personal intra personal relationships they say. All the psycological babble I have heard at sometime far away...
All the while waiting to get back to my little one.
Home is where the heart is ?
Home is where my blacknose is i say.

At some point. Soon. Earlier rather than later I want to be in a cocoon.
Where noone tries to manipulate me. Where i dont have to be guarded everytime someone talks to me. Where its just me. My music. My books. My little one.
Where i dont have to speak to be understood.
Where i dont have to scream to be heard.
Where i dont have to cry to be held.
Where i am just let to be me.

Move mountains.
Erase the stars.
Dry the ocean.
Clear the deep green emerald.
Make it glass.
Plant a seed.
Make it a tree overnight.
Love a heart fresh and new.

All volatile like the morning dew.
All impossible like a morning dream.
The colors of my mind are clean.
The heart pure.
The strings that bind are like that binding the kite to the hand.
Let go and always guided back.
Always connected.
Unseen.
Felt.
The tug constant.
The current strong enough to carry away.
String stronger to hold back.

In Love.

I heard this song in one of the you tube videos.. I HAD to listen to the whole song and so I googled the words i remembered....
I was so surprised... I had dismissed the movie because of the less than regular videogame animation....
So easily I had dismissed it that I hadnt bothered to listen to the songs...

Now I wish I had... I would not have missed this beauty for half a decade...

I also wish I had someone who writes and sings these words to me...
A tall order... Vairamuthu... I doubt anyone can come close... With rehmans heart poured out in this song I can only say Im in love...
Totally completely hopelessly in love....
.
.
Kanneer Kaniyae Unnai Kaivida Maataen
Sathiyam Sathiyam Ithu Sathiyamae
Maalai Soodiya Kaalai Kathirinmaelae
Sathiyam Sathiyam Ithu Sathiyamae
Oru Kuzhanthai Polae Oru Vairam Polae
Thooimaiyaana En Sathiyam Punithamanathu

Ippiravil Innoru Pennai Sinthaiyiul Thodaen
Pirithor Pakkam Maram Saaya Piriyam Kaappaen
Chella Gholusu Sinungal Intha Saevai Saerpaen
Netri Pottil Mutham Pathithu Nitham Ezhuvaen
Kaiporul Yaavaiyum Karaithaalum Kanakku Kaelaen
Ovoru Vaathamum Mudiyumbothu Unnidam Thorpaen

Kanneer Kaniyae Unnai Kaivida Maataen
Sathiyam Sathiyam Ithu Sathiyamae
Maalai Soodiya Kaalai Kathirinmaelae

Sathiyam Sathiyam Ithu Sathiyamae

Artha Jaamam Thirudan Pola Athirnthu Paesaen
Kaamam Theerum Pozhuthilum Enthan Kaathal Theeraen
Maatha Malarchi Maraiyum Vayathil Maarbu Kødupaen
Nøi Madiyødu Nee Vizhunthaal Thaai Madiyaavaen
Šwasam Pøla Arugil Irunthu Šugapadavaipaen
Unthan Uravai Ènthan Uravai Nenjil Šumapaen
Un Kanavugal Nijamaaga Ènayae Tharuvaen
Un Vaazhvu Mannil Neela Ènayae Tharuvaen

Kanneer Kaniyae Unnai Kaivida Maataen
Šathiyam Šathiyam Ithu Šathiyamae
Maalai Šøødiya Kaalai Kathirinmaelae
Šathiyam Šathiyam Ithu Šathiyamae
Oru Kuzhanthai Pølae Oru Vairam Pølae
Thøøimaiyaana Èn Šathiyam Punithamanathu
Thøøimaiyaana Èn Šathiyam Punithamanathu
Thøøimaiyaana Èn Šathiyam Punithamanathu

Kochadiyan
Vairamuthu
A. R. Rehman

Someone asked me last week how i want to live my life....
This morning while i am sitting with my filter coffee in hand watching the drizzle... I think...
I realise I am a home person, this is how I want my life to be...
Relaxed...
Having time to enjoy my morning cup of coffee, reading the paper. The little one sitting and watching the trees move companiably.
Ideally among fields of green, chill air around with dew on the leaves of plants in my garden sitting in a wicker chair watching kids from the neighbourhood play and households waking up to the sounds of the temple bell.
With no race against time.. Against peoples opinions...