Was walking in the market toward a shop i thought looked interesting.. Shopping for vegetables.
I saw a Lil guy wincing and walking among the crowd tenderly, I gave way for the Lil guy to go past when I caught a glimpse of what I thought must me a minor squabbles result was half his face on the right nothing but a area of rugby ball sized crater with unrecognisable mass of flesh.
I didn't have the heart o buy anything after seeing him...
A at went by and I kept seeing the boy walk with pain everywhere I turned.
Tonight when I was late by five to feed the six kids staying nearby I heard a yelp, quite normal when there are more than 2 of them. I have been seeing a new member among the lot the last week after which one of the twin boys went missing and the twins became one of the twins now, and today after the yelp I popped my head out to let them know I'm coming, only to see the new guy with what looked like a stuffed toy throwing catching twisting turning. I had a feeling it Cud b one of my kids and I kept telling myself please be a cat please be a cat.
I didn't have to go too close.
I could tell from 20 feet away who it was.
He could tell it was me, even with his neck twisted in ways that it should not be. Even as he was gasping. Even when his heart was fighting hard to squeeze enough to give him a chance.
He recognised. The flicker came and as if to say he was sorry he didn't acknowledge me he gave a huge painful sigh.
He's the one who would wait for the big guys to get done and wait after eating till I was done with closing up and Wud as a ritual pop my head out the window to check if the meal has been eaten or wasted. He Wud wait. Watch for me after he ate. He knew exactly where from I'd watch and he will say thanks in his own way when he sees me watching and walk away happy and content in his uniquely quirky way. He's the one I call paapaa. The only person i have called paapaa. My little one. The baby of the lot. He was struggling for breath. Bleeding. My baby of the lot. I kept saying sorry to him.
Please paapaa. Cross the bridge in peace. Trying to hold on is going to make it worse paapaa. Please let go.
Come back as my angel to watch over me.
Pitch black.
Killed by the blackness.
Struggling to stay in the light.
Not wanting to slip away into the darkness.
Not willing to forever be in the color of his skin.
I hope he realises he was loved.
I wish he forgives me for being late by five. It could have saved his life.
Evey minute counts.
Now I know.
Now I know.
Never again will I be the reason for a twisted neck, painful gasps or a lost life.
Please forgive me paapaa. I am so sorry so very sorry.
Can't stop my tears for the paapaa.
