I don’t have the answers as to why it’s all happening now.
But I see the shifting everywhere; it’s real, it’s intense and it’s big.
In fact, I don’t think I’ve spoken to a single soul recently that is not experiencing their own inner shifts.
People are splitting wide open. Old wounds are suddenly weeping. Crushing memories are resurfacing. Relationships are unfolding or recoiling or speaking to us in powerful new ways. Personal growth is yearning to be realized.
Over the last few months I have 'ghosted'(?) people. My understanding of ghosted is disappear, texts and calls....
Honestly I don't feel like talking to anybody right now... I just want a structured day and just conversations with myself...
I feel exhausted trying to have a basic conversation with my immediate close ones the only two people who call to check on me sitting miles away... They are checking on me the way they know how... But I feel the need to just cut off...
I have just felt the need to go within myself and just be by myself.
I am feeling the urge to self preserve. To restore. To re-evaluate. To re-prioritize.
I feel like i have not travelled since I joined work... And it feels like I am blaming it on people when in fact no-one does stop me from going but myself...
It is like I allow myself to not travel by letting myself sleep-in and then say I didn't go because mom said no, my friend said no, the strike is violent, transport is a problem and so on and so forth....
For instance this morning I had planned a three hr trip to a small town I haven't been to before where there are five temples and a church I want to visit but I just conveniently said oh maid will come timing won't work...
The point of this rant being...
I ain't sure if it is because I have lost the spark to travel or if I have become a procrastinator or if something is wrong with me...
I wish I had a car now... That's been my recent reason on top of the list.
I feel like If I had a car I would be traveling a lot more coz tht way my little one can be bundled and can travel with me too.... Coz the connectivity from this place to neighbouring spots, towns and cities is quite skeletal to be honest.... And that way I don't have to worry about being back home by nightfall...
Let's see how things pan out over the extra few months...
