Be present. Here and now.

I realised something while on the road at a signal.
I was beginning to make me the victim as a default oflate.
I am beginning to realize that if a person has a problem with someone or something then it's solely their problem unless it is communicated to the other person involved for it to become something that needs to be worked on.
 
If an issue is not brought up then how will the other party know that it troubles you. 
When there is no chance of you knowing something is wrong when in your mind nothing is you won't see if it is.  What your mind knows your eyes will surely see.

Declutter your mind. 
Use the checklist. 
Find yourself. 
Be true to yourself. 
If it was not brought to your attention or if something was not given space to be out and spoken about be clear it is not your fault. 
Do not blame yourself. 
Do not think back on each day trying to find what was wrong in what you did. 
Do not analyse the past. 
Be here. 
Be now. 
Be present. 
Be pure. 
Don't hold back on what you are right now. 
Hold back on plans for the future. Sure. Do that.  But don't pause your life and emotions right now. 
Live in light and love people. 
You deserve where you are.  Good or bad.  Be present in it.

Hope yet.

Is this a lie

Was it all an act.

The laughs the effort an act. 
Was it all lies.

Is every minute I cherished a lie, an act. 

Is what I held on as a sane part of the insane world I was living in actually a sham that I bought into hook line and sinker.

The minutes the hours the conversation felt real.

Are all the castles I built and the dream of the sound of little feet standing on nothing but air.

The illusion of peace and happiness has been so complete that I truly believed it and thought it was real. 

Ignorance is bliss.

Knowledge makes a fool. 

A fool who believes life is good. People are good. A clown that believes the world he creates in his mind is laughed at for a reason.  The reason is that he believes what he creates when the world around him sees the reality for what it is and not through the glasses that the clown wears.

A person who I thought has been pure. The purest person that I know has emerged tainted. 
Everyone of us is human.
I held on and believed in the beauty of the roses.  That is what has pulled me through the last few years.  What I believed to be real. 
But it was all an act.
Illusions do bring you out of places. 
It has to me. 
I have emerged out of my head into reality.
I'm not ready to face reality yet. But situations will force you to be the best version of you.

I hope.
One can only hope. Let's not take that away yet....

See, 
The thing about interaction with people is that it is both under and over rated.

Life seems so calm and peaceful when there isn't anyone to talk to that way no-one to twist what you said and be hurt with it.
But when you need to work and earn to put food on the table we need to have interactions where it's so difficult to sit through people speak and misrepresent what is and was told. 

I wish there was a way that we could live without social interaction and still go to work. 

Late lateef

Everyday I tell myself I will be early and I will reach on time.  I always end up late.  It looks bad.  Reflects poorly on me. 
Everyone has the same amount of time in a day.  Everyone has responsibilities.
It's the same traffic everyone faces. 
No-one cares if you don't have a machine to wash clothes or a maid to clean up or if you make food in the morning all by yourself. 
What does matter is not being late to work. 
What should matter is valuing the time of everyone involved. 
Irrespective of if you feel cornered or singled out.  Irrespective of the lieniency given to others. You be pure.  You be true to yourself.  You be true to the work you do.  It will reflect on you, your face,  your name and most of all on your being. 
Be on time.
Be pure.

With love he signs for everyone who asks but not once for me. 
To my dearest he writes but never in my pages did he.

The wise aren't that wise to know the sound of a woman's heart breaking when it does. 

The tears that would show have started being guarded.  The words that would flow unchecked along the fast flowing river of conversation have started to be held back by gates built within dams.

As my heart swells with pride,  it also hurts. I wonder when it will be seen without being shown.

It's only you that hurts and none else.