I literally am down to 6 trunks of books and 2 trunks of work clothes and nothing else. OK plus the kitchen.
But I still feel like I am living with clutter all the time. It drains me everytime I try to clean up.
I feel like I have too much inventory to manage but it's seeming like it's all books. I gave away all my extra copies and I still have too much.
So I started cleaning again. I have now come to realize clean when I need to get out of depression or anxiety.
I have noticed I let the house go when I am feeling lost or loss.
I lost my brother last month. March 21st 9 days before his 15th birthday.
I didn't live with him everyday under the same roof. But he was who I turned to when I needed stability and reassurance. His warmth. His presence. His ability to fill the room.
I need to clean.
I need to grieve. I just don't know how.
My first loss was agni. My moral compass.
My second. My brother. My anchor.
I don't think I can handle any more losses.
I miss you my little warm body.
I don't think I can get over your not being there.
I miss you.
